Star Wars: Judging the Films By Their Titles
Rating Scale 1-5, 1 being crap, 5 being good.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Hmm....what do we have here...the word menace for one. Like Dennis the Menace. Poor. It's a silly word. But even sillier in this context because it is preceded by an even worse choice: Phantom. It makes me think of Dennis going to the opera, not a threatening unseen force. (Like a poltergeist.) They could have drummed up something a bit more umm...menacing.
Rating 2/Quite Pathetic
I would have called it "Life With Father".
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Honestly, this really does justice to how bad this film was. The name fits it perfectly. I think of Attack of the Clowns every time. It follows in the great tradition of "Attack of..." films, such as: Killer Tomatoes, Giant Leeches, 50 ft. Woman, Killer Shrews, Bat Monsters, Crab Monsters, Mushroom People, Beast Creatures,Eye Creatures, Giant Mousaka, Killer Hog, Killer Refrigerator, and my personal favorite Attack of the Virgin Mummies. What else can be said?
Rating 1/Super Bad
I would have called it: "No More Hope".
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Don't know what to make of this one really, they have recycled the original name for Jedi, and allowed revenge to be used - since I guess a sith can get revenge whilst a jedi can't and has to merely return. I don't know, I'm not overly fond of saying the word sith, it never sounds like a complete word, sort of just part of word, or like I have celery between my teeth. It is better than the first two however because it incorporates some creativity with the fictional term sith. Although, at first glance one sees "Revenge of the Shit". (Apparently the spell-check does not recognize sith.)
Rating 3/Fair or Middling
I would have called it "Birth of an Empire".
Episode IV: A New Hope
Well, we all call it Star Wars or The First One or The Original Star Wars or more recently Episode IV. Star Wars itself is a bit hokey. But, if the film had been released in theaters with the name Episode IV: A New Hope, people wouldn't have seen it 30 times. A New Hope is, if nothing else, a rather unique name for the first release of a series of films. It makes you think that you should already know something, and you don't, or won't until later this week when you've seen Episode 3. I'd have to say it is actually quite a good name, considering no one uses is it.
Rating 5/"That's No Moon."
I would have called it "A New Hope".
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Ahh, yes. Empire. I don't think I've ever thought about it before. Yeah, they strike back. The more you think about it the weirder it seems as a title. "Strikes back" is kind of childish. Maybe they could have used a more evil sounding tone, like "The Empire Riseth Again" or "The Empire: Payback" or maybe "Jedis = Owned". It works though, probably since no one thinks about it, and half of us only say Empire when referring to it. It does, unfortunately, reveal the plot of the film.
Rating 4/Better Than Fair
I would have called it "The One With The Snow".
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
The all knowing Lucas decided it was unbecoming of a jedi to take revenge, and so we get this. Nothing really bad can be said about this one. It's simple and offers no confusion as to what is going to happen. I guess he could have gone all out and called it "Return of the Luke", but opted not to.
Rating 5/"That's No Half-Completed Moon."
I would have called it "Blue Harvest".
All in all the films have an average rating of 3.33. That is above fair. And not too bad, considering no-one really cares what the hell they are called.
And now, the Swedish titles and their direct translations.
Stjärnornas Krig translates to The Stars War
Episod I: Det Mörka Hotet translates to The Dark Threat
Episod II: Klonerna Anfaller translates to The Clones Attack
Episod III: Mörkrets Hämnd translates to Revenge of the Darkness
Episod IV: Nytt Hopp translates to New Hope
Episod V: Rymdimperiet Slår Tillbaka translates to The Space Empire Hits Back
Episod VI: Jedins Återkomst translates to The Jedi's Return
You can rate those however you see fit.
K Panda
