Stuff that I Hate (by American Panda)
I am not a positive, happy-go-lucky and upbeat person who sees the bright side of things...oh no..I am that guy that puts down people I don't know, yells at pro atheletes for "sucking" at a sport they get paid millions to play and I am definately that guy that thinks everyone else is retarded compared to yours truly.
As an homage to just how negative I am...I am going to proverbially "hate" on a bunch of stuff that the average "non hating professional" may not have even thought about hating!
Without further ado...
1. "I'm Loving It" ad promo by McDonald's. Apparently this is worldwide so don't tell me you don't know what I am talking about. This could be one of the most irritating things I have ever heard. That jingle is like audio poison. Here in America we are privelaged enough to have one ad on the radio that is a woman actually doing slam poetry about her fruit and nut salad. Its fucking pathetic.
2. Who are these pompous little bitches that think Simpsons is better than Family Guy? Just because Simpsons has branded everything from a Lisa pencil sharpener to a Selma and Patty dildo doesn't mean it was all that funny. Futurama was better than Simpsons and if you want to challenge me...ask yourself this...when was the last time you saw a lesson learned on either Futurama or Family Guy? Simpsons turned into Family Circus...BASTAH!
3. How the hell can the American soccer team be higher ranked than England? How is this possible? Is FIFA on drugs? Don't get me wrong, I L-O-V-E shoving this stat in the faces of those bubble and squeek eating Brits here in my office, but seriously this can't be right. I think its a plot so that soccer gets mentioned on Sportscenter during the last half minute of the show.
4. Gwen Stefani. Gwen FUCKING Stefani! Love Angel Music Baby is the name of her new album (pause for vomiting), her clothing line (pause for vomiting) is called LAMB (pause for dry heaving) and she has the same voice as your old Teddy Ruxpin doll when you hit the fast forward but don't push it down quite far enough. Who the hell is buying her shit? I want addresses.
5. The baseball wild card race...there has to be an easier way!
6. Those big fucking fish bowl Italian sunglasses that all the women are wearing are seriously pissing me off. You look STUPID and yet you act like a fashion model from Milan. Give us all a break and wear some cateye glasses if you have to have something on your face besides purple that is not going to protect your eyes....
7. People that write YOUR name on a grain of rice. Who are these people? Is there a school for this?
8. Humidity in New England can get the gas face. I hate this shite, I swear its 50 degrees but with humidity its damn near 100.
9. Attention Denmark! Free the Faroes! If they can compete to play in the World Cup, they can be their own country. Last time I checked colonialism was about as cool as apartheid.
10. This energy drink thing has to stop. Does anyone really know what guarana is? Coke used to contain a little know South American plant called cocaine, ever heard of it? Whatever happened to getting wasted and passing out? Drinking 5 Red Bulls and Vodka makes the human body go "What the Fuck!!!!"....
R. Panda
